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Saturday, November 28, 2015

Heartbreak

I was madly in love with her.

Some relationships are beyond comprehension to our minute minds. Like God, they don't really exist but they permeate the entire universe and its inhabitants. We can feel them but can't name or define them. It's beyond our feeble understanding. Then, in our utter confusion, we blame certain chemical reactions in our brains to be responsible for them and call them by the glorious name of love.

I and Jyotsna were in such a relationship. I wasn't worthy of her. She was elegant, stately and looked like a beautiful and dainty princess. Whenever she smiled, she lit up the gathering gloom of life. She dressed like a model, had a sweet temperament and a ready smile for everyone.

I, on other hand was exactly her opposite. Whereas she was a stately empress, I was an ugly gnome. She had a voice like a mellifluous wind chime which caused hearts to flutter, mine was grating and harsh. She had an hourglass figure and I was ungainly with limbs like sticks. I never would have dreamed of winning her smile, let alone her heart.

Destiny is a mischievous nymph and is always full of surprises and shocks. My meeting with Jyotsna was just an accident. She was arguing over some trifle with a shopkeeper in the busy market, while I was passing by. I was going to intrude, till then she threw the wares at him and stormed off. I was simply enchanted by her and followed her to where she lived. I tried to talk to her. She initially ignored me and then got interested as I was very funny. I know a lot of tricks which people admire. In my long and eventful life, I have had many opportunities to learn a lot of things. I used my unbeatable armory of tricks to entice her and was rewarded by her affection. Impossible that it sounds, she fell in love with an ugly brute like me.

These unromantic scientists compare love with boring chemical reactions, which can be jotted down on a piece of paper. But those who have experienced this heavenly emotion know how euphoric a whirlwind romance can be! You get hurt and break, but you still don't relent. You adore everything related to your lover. You remember the smallest thing associated with your love. It's only after marriage that a temporary amnesia attacks the lovers and makes them forgetful. I think, marriage is a bigger enemy of love than the cruel world. Anyway...

I was beyond myself, hardly able to believe in my luck, I went around in a  golden daze! I wanted to wear her on my lapel, but I didn't have a coat. I wanted to sing love songs written on her, but I was not a poet. She made me forget my ugliness. In fact, she adored my scarred and broken face! We met every day. I was always absorbed in her inane, never ending chatter, although not understanding half of it.  Then I took a bold step and moved in with her. Based on my past experiences, I was sure that I'll be spurned, but she accepted me as if she was hoping for my company. It was a dream come true! But, dreams are what they are: just a surreal image of our innermost desires. Dreams are meant to be dashed.

I was living in a heaven when he entered his life. Dr Shailesh was a tall and handsome looking guy. He was very witty. Had a beautiful voice and was very rich with great manners to boot. He was everything I was not. In addition, he met her everyday and loved her. I could see it in his eyes.

For the first time in our little and strange love life, Jyotsna got angry on me because of him and asked me to go away. She slammed the door shut on my face. I begged her to not to hate me. She finally allowed me to stay on the condition that I will never object to him as he was her best friend. I didn't have any options. I stayed in the distant hope that she will realize some day that no one in the world can love her more than me.

Persian poet Abdurrahim Khankhana has said that love, cough, alcohol and blood cannot remain hidden, however hard one tries to camouflage them. It was soon evident that they are in love and are planning to marry each other. I was ablaze with jealousy. I went berserk with the storm brewing in my angry but helpless mind. I tried to woo her away from Dr Shailesh, but I was no match for the handsome Apollo. The tricks which had wooed her initially failed to win her again. Jyotsna initially started shouting at me, then ignored and hated me. The process of shutting me out was becoming frighteningly frequent now and her resistance to my begging increased.

On that fateful day when he came to her, I could see the love for him in her eyes. I got very angry. All my life, I had lived in gutter and was not willing to allow this sweet talking charmer to snatch away the reason of my life. I decided to attack and kill that damned doctor. Jyotsna came inbetween us. White with anger and hatred, she slapped me and kicked me out. Her door shut on my face with a despairing finality. I sat numb for a few hours, then started begging her to come back.

Deep in my heart I knew that this door will never open again. But, I was unwilling to accept that her love for me can die before the glamour of this charismatic doctor. After all, wasn't I always willing to fight and die for her? Wasn't I honestly loyal and fiercely protective about her? Didn't I love her more than even her parents did? I was wrong. The door didn't open, even though I opened my heart. I cried and screamed in that dismal night. Startled and indignant birds cursed me to be quiet. I finally left with a broken heart.

I was a stupid fool! I didn't realize that a beautiful woman cannot marry a dog, however it loves her. We canines can be a woman's best friend, but never a spouse.

I whined and barked at the waning moon once then put my scrawny tail between my hind legs and slunk off in the dying night, towards my gutter...